What is knowing your value?

Busi Selesho describes value as something that when you recognise  it, it  opens up doors you never thought would open for you, it takes you to the next dimension of your life. Your gift will open doors to kings’ palaces for you. Value is not quantifiable, you cannot measure it. Busi is an Internationally Accredited Money Coach who talks about knowing your value and self- worth. She shares that value is not about what you know but who you are and often, value overrides everything you think you need to be. And knowing your worth is a very personal thing and it really has nothing to do with anyone else. In other words, It’s your internal measure of how you value yourself regardless of what other people might think of you or say to  and about you. She also speaks about how to cultivate your talents as well as your skills.

Understanding the inner critique

Every person is divided; part of us is goal-directed and self-possessed, while another part is self-critical, self-denying, and even self-destructive. And this perpetuates a negative thought process.

We are all products of our environments and our past. We begin to recognise the world and our place in it from childhood when we are exposed to beliefs and behaviours that shape our perspective. This world view dictates how we see ourselves and others. The critical inner voice is formed out of painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us.

As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others. When we fail to identify and separate from this inner critic, we allow it to impact our behavior and shape the direction of our lives. It may sabotage our successes or our relationships, preventing us from living the lives we want to lead and becoming the people we seek to be.

I probably speak for half the world’s population when I say that most of us are familiar with those nagging thoughts that tell us we are not good enough, that cast doubt on our goals and undermine our accomplishments. We all have that little voice inside us. It’s that small instinct towards protecting ourselves from being embarrassed, from getting rejected, or from stepping outside our comfort zone.

This inner critic is the one that says we couldn’t possibly apply for that promotion, or we can’t set boundaries at work because we won’t be respected, or we don’t belong in our job.

These thoughts might be there to greet us when we first look at ourselves in the mirror in the morning. “You are so fat.” This inner critic might meet you at work. “You are under too much pressure. You will never get everything done. No one even appreciates you. You should just give up.”

However, there’s hope for us…

We can challenge the inner critic and begin to see ourselves for who we really are, rather than taking on its negative point of view about ourselves. We can differentiate from the ways we were seen in our family of origin and begin to understand and appreciate our own feelings, thoughts, desires, and values.

How to conquer the inner critique.

• Identify Your Inner Critic

Try to identify what your critical inner voice is telling you. Acknowledge that this thought process is separate from your real point of view. Remember that your critical inner voice is not a reflection of reality. It is a viewpoint you adopted based on destructive early life experiences and attitudes directed toward you that you have  internalised as your own point of view.

• Separate from your inner critic

One way to help you differentiate from your critical inner voice is to write thoughts down in the second person.  For example, a thought like “I’m so clumsy, I always break things.  Or I will never be successful” should be written as “You are so clumsy, you always break things. You will never be successful.” This will help you see these thoughts as an alien point of view and not as true statements. Notice how hostile this internal enemy can be. When you write these criticisms down like this, you can see that they are not true statements, but an attack on your self-worth. You can see this internal voice is not a friend protecting you but an enemy that wants to tear you down. 

• Act against your inner critique

Most importantly, don’t make decisions based on the negative statements from your critic. Be sure to act on your own truth, your goals, and who you want to be. You are not tied to the negative criticism from your inner monologue. You don’t have to listen to the voice that says no to take chances. 

When we identify the specific statements from the negative voice, separate those statements from our own reality, and act against that self-destructive evaluation, your own true sense of self grows in confidence. You become stronger; the negative voice gets quieter. That’s what stepping into your power is all about. 

How to build self-worth…!!!

The first step in building self-worth is to stop comparing yourself to others and evaluating your every move; in other words, you need to challenge your critical inner voice.

Reflecting on your skills, talents, competencies, and personal characteristics is a great place to start in helping you to discover yourself and improve them. Begin with self-belief, promoting your strengths and neutralising your weaknesses. Do this on your CV, at work, in your social life and with your short-term and  goals. With time, depending on your goals, look at the weaknesses holding you back and the skills you need to develop.

How to discover your talents/skills?

Some of the effective ways to work out what your talents are and to truly discover your best self, include:

Seek help from people who really know you

Ask your closest friends and family members what they think you do best and what you are good at. If you don’t want to ask directly, lookout for and think about compliments you usually receive, relating to things you have done.

Try new things/experiences

The best way to get to know yourself and learn about your talents is to invest in a range of different experiences. Try new activities you have never tried before and even if you find that you are not as great at them as you hoped you might be, you would still be be discovering more about yourself in doing so.

Going down memory lane

Think back to times when you practiced something and didn’t even feel the time passing you by. The chances are, if the time flew by, then talent may have something to do with it. When you are good at something, it’s common to enjoy spending time on, and getting involved with, it.

Think of your actions that led to the resolution of a problem, helped someone, or created something new and exciting. It is important to remember and acknowledge your accomplishments. These will help you to truly discover yourself and your talents. After you have put all these steps into practice and figured out what your skills are, the first thing to do is to exercise them, as no skill can stand alone. It is vital to practice and continually work to improve.

You can also look for other professionals who can give you the necessary guidance, such as a mentor and courses that can help you to channel your gifts. In addition, a great way to grow professionally with what you know how to do is to show it to the world and share it with others.